A good way to relax
by POMandMLPlover
Summary: Skipper and Hans are stressed out, what do they do to calm down? Drinking of course! let's see how this ends? ;P BoyxBoy, lemon, one-shot. don't like? don't read.


**A/N: Another perverted Skans story by me, hope you'll like it! Warnings: Yaoi, boyxboy if you don't like it please don't read it ;P**

**Please Review~**

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Skipper needed to calm down. Lately everyone was getting on his nerves; Marlene constantly begging for new favors, Kowalski whining about his inventions failing all the time, Private bugging him with Lunacorn advices, Rico wailing lately because he got a card of Guatemala, animals in the zoo arguing everyday over little things and the lemurs were invading his home and taking his things without his approval.

So the commander chose to give his men a day off and decided to take a long walk; _**alone.**_

The walk did him good but he still couldn't take his mind off of all those annoying things in the zoo. So he walked further and further, thinking that this might help him but in the end he was trying so hard to calm his nerves that Skipper didn't know where he was going. Only as the penguin heard the sound of waves, he stopped in his tracks and looked up.

A look of surprise took over the leaders features as he in fact found himself being at the cliffs of the seashore. The leader didn't expect to walk this far away from home and he also didn't expect that familiar figure lying under a tree by the cliffs; lying on his side with his head propped up by his wing.

"Hans?" the penguin asked.

Said puffin turned a little to look at the person that was addressing him and let out a sigh upon seeing who it was.

"Hey Skipper. I'm sorry but today I'm really not in the mood for fighting with you. I just want some peace and quiet." the Dane replied, taking a sip off something that was in his other wing.

"Then we're already two!" Skipper said also letting out a sigh before he decided to sit down beside Hans. The puffin looked up to the penguin that simply settled himself next to his arch-enemy.

"Had a tough time too, huh?" Hans asked with a small grin and again took a sip out of the can in his wing.

"You can't even imagine! They're bothering me so much lately! Everyone whining and nagging, it's so nerve wracking!" the commander complained, rubbing his temples with his flippers.

"I know how you feel, love. Being in a zoo with mainly villains in it is quite stressing too sometimes and that crazy Blowhole dolphin that's always bothering me! So what if I misused his WLAN? He shouldn't have told me his wireless key then!" Hans snorted angered but then he tried to calm his nerves again and took in a deep breath. "Anyway, want some too?" he then asked offering the penguin beside him one of his cans.

"What's that anyway? And don't call me love." Skipper questioned the Dane, looking at what was offered to him.

"It's Danish beer. I got two six packs of it and also I got a big bottle "Gammel Dansk", I'm _sure_ you still know that one, we drank it all the time when we were still young soldiers." The puffin answered casually.

"And how by the Danish queen did you get those things?" Skipper pressed on, taking the can out of Hans's wing and observing the object. Said puffin just shrugged.

"You really want to know?"

"Better not." The penguin said opening the can and bringing it to his beak, only to stop there.

"It's not poisoned or is it?" the commander asked again, still not trusting that Danish guy.

"Oh yeah, Skippsy! I was _sooo _expecting you right now and already poisoned every single _**closed **_can! Gosh don't be so paranoid all the time! I got the alcohol to get things off of my mind myself, you know." the Dane retorted sarcastic.

The leader penguin blushed a little bit not liking the puffins' sarcastic tone. Skipper started to bring the can back to his beak again only for him to pull it away again and holding it in front of Hans face.

"Cheers." The penguin gestured. Hans caught on quick and brought his own beer towards Skippers.

"Cheers." he said with a small smile grazing his features and they bumped their beers together.

Finally the penguin took a sip of the alcohol, letting the cold liquid long a little bit in his mouth before he swallowed it. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh of delight. The leader hadn't tasted any alcohol for years and he really missed it.

So they drank, told each other stories, complained and laughed. Out of one beer got two, three… till the beer was all gone and they started with the "Gammel Dansk". Both were visibly drunk but they had fun.

"Hahaha! S-so t-that's why Savio came back all covered in butter!" Hans laughed out loud, slinging his wing around his old friend.

"Hehe! Yeah it was hilarious!" the penguin laughed along with the Dane, leaning into the puffins' half-embrace a bit.

"Haah… how come we get along so well sometimes, Skipper? Like that time when you thought I was your best friend?" the Dane asked with a sigh.

"That was because of one of Kowalski's inventions that went wrong. There I thought that I could entrust you my life." Skipper answered giggling a bit.

"Oh yes, how I wish that he wouldn't have turned you back to normal. That was one of my best days in my whole life since that incident in Denmark!" the puffin exclaimed loud, throwing his wings up in the air.

Skipper stared at Hans, a bright blush taking over his already from the alcohol reddened face.

"W-what?! Best day of your life since then? Well probably for you, punching all my friends with my approval but for me on the other hand… I "_congagad"_ with RINGTAIL! I even thought he was one of my best friends!" the commander cried out a little frustrated at that memory of him being best friends with that lemur.

"Pah! That stupid lemur! You don't know how jealous I was when I saw you two dancing so happily! And that after I went all the way to get you that fish! God, how I hate that Julien!" Hans grumbled annoyed.

"J-j-jealous? Why? And of the Ringtail?" Skipper stuttered out flushed.

"Of course! That idiotic idiot gets to spend as much time with you as he wants and I don't! Not like _this_! And that time it was finally my turn to have you all for myself again and **HE** got IN-BETWEEN!" the Dane snarled getting angrier.

"Woah, calm down Hans! Do I get this right; you want to spend time with me again? Are you serious?" the penguin spoke, putting his flipper on the puffins shoulder in a calming gesture. He didn't expect the Dane to burst out like that when he was drunk. Hans closed his eyes and let out a sigh. The puffin put his wing above Skippers flipper, giving it a light squeeze and tried to soothe his nerves.

"Yeah, I'm completely serious. Why else would I ask you to have lunch with me or occasionally go to the seashore? You think I do that to annoy you? _Everyone_ gets to have your attention all the time but still they know almost nothing about you! It's not fair!" Hans slurred angry but in a bit calmer tone, his wing now stroking the flipper on his shoulder softly.

Skipper shivered a bit at the puffins' actions but with all that alcohol in his system he didn't mind, he actually rather liked it. The penguin had to take in a long breath before he spoke again.

"Well… we're at the seashore right now or not?" The Dane shrugged at that grumpily.

"And it's not true that my friends know almost nothing about me, my men know almost everything th-"

"Do they know that you love to listen to romance audiobooks?" Hans cut in.

"W-what?! I-"

"Or that you learned ballet for three years?"

"That's not tru-"

"Or that you have a maid outfit in your costume box? And that you hate the word "goo" and always giggle at the word "kumquat"?" Here the commander made a face of disgust at first and then started to giggle. "That you like to put a little bit cinnamon in your coffee when you have a bad day because the taste calms you or that you collect cute little buttons with those Japanese food smiley's on them?"

Skipper simply stared at Hans, his face completely red. He really never told anyone about this.

"H-how do you know all about that?" he asked reluctantly.

"Pff! I'm your frienemy and a former spy; it's basically my job to know everything about you! I know even more than that. No! I know EVERYTHING about you!" the puffin answered casually.

"What else do you know then?" Skipper questioned the Dane not quite sure if he actually wanted to hear what secrets his enemy knew about him. Hans turned to face the penguin directly before he continued, Skipper following suit.

"Well you love to watch soap operas and sometimes even cry to them-"

"That was just that on time!"

"Yeah, yeah~ Anyway, you're allergic to strawberries but once still ate them, you hate it when others say something about your height and weight but pretend like it doesn't bother you and afterwards you eat a whole jar of cookie ice cream out of frustration… God you're really girlish when I think about it~" Hans said with an amused smile, gaining an angry shove from the penguin but the Dane grabbed Skippers flippers with his wings and came face to face with the leader.

"I also know about your sexual preferences Skippsy~" the puffin sang with a smug smile on his face. The penguin froze a bit at that.

"You… do?" Skipper choked out.

"Yes~ what else I know is that you love it if someone pets your flat head…" Hans answered, starting to caress the penguins head. The leader wanted to pull away but the puffin had an iron grip on him, so he had to stay in place. Skipper tried to deny that he liked that soft petting but eventually his eyes started to close and he began to lean into the touch.

"Mmmh…" the penguin meekly moaned but felt the Dane suddenly pull his wing away. Seeing his mistake his eyes shot open in an instant and he worriedly looked at his opponent. The Dane was staring at him. His gaze slowly drifting from Skippers eyes to his beak, inching a bit closer. Skippers head was swimming as he saw Hans inching closer and closer to him till their beaks were _so_ close.

He knew what would come but he didn't try to stop the other bird.

The puffin brushed his beak against the penguins a little hesitantly before kissing him softly. Hans felt satisfaction and relieve as Skipper returned the kiss. The kiss was sweet and innocent both quite unsure of what they're doing were right or wrong. It was Skipper who pulled away first as he felt the Dane grip his hips and trying to pull him closer.

"We drank a lot… _Hans_…" the penguin whispered huskily, knowing quite well what the puffin wanted. Hans let out a shaky sigh and leaned his forehead against the leaders.

"So? You don't want to?" Hans asked, his wings rubbing up and down Skippers back, making said penguin tremble in delight.

"It's not that! But what if we regret it?" Skipper questioned uncertain, turning his head away from the Dane and watching the puffin from the corners of his eyes.

Hans forced the commanders' head back, looking directly in the penguins icy-blue eyes, seeing all the doubt and worry in those blue depths and then replied.

"You think too much into it." the puffin brought Skippers face towards his and kissed him again, this time a little bit more forceful.

Skipper struggled and tried to resist a little more but not actually trying to shove the Dane off of him. The penguin knew that this was wrong, so why didn't he stop it? Was it only because of the alcohol? Did he _want_ that the alcohol is at fault? He couldn't think right anymore, everything was getting so blurry to him.

His thoughts were interrupted as he felt the puffins' wing caress his inner tight in a slow sweet motion, making him let out a moan again. Hans used this moment to slip in his tongue into Skippers mouth, the penguin jumping a bit out of surprise from this sudden invasion. The Danes tongue started exploring the leaders' mouth, urging the penguin on to do the same. Skipper, even though reluctant at first, pushed his own tongue against Hans', beginning to wrestle with it.

Hans grinned into the kiss, so happy that he finally was so close to get what he desired for such a long time. He broke their kiss, chuckling a little at the penguins' small protest and pushed the commander against the tree. The puffin let his wings wander over Skippers chest, stomach, _lower…_

When his wing came to the leaders' semi-erect member, he stopped and looked at his lovers' expression.

Skipper had his eyes shut tight, a fin in his mouth and was breathing heavily already. Hans gently took the penguins member and started to stroke him.

"Mmm-AH!" Skipper moaned loudly, gripping onto Hans shoulders tightly and throwing his head back. The puffin watched the commander squirm and tremble in his wings, all the while working on the penguins' length. But hearing Skipper moan out so erotically and seeing how he turned to mush from his actions, made his erection also grow more and more. He also wanted to feel what the leader felt. So the Dane took one of the penguins' fins of his shoulder and brought it to his member. Skipper froze up as he felt the others length against his flipper and looked uncertain to Hans.

"Touch me too, _Skipper…_" the puffin breathed out huskily. The penguin looked down at the erection in his fin and amateurishly began to pump up and down. Embarrassment was written all over the leaders face but as he heard Hans moan in pleasure quietly, he grew a little more confident with his doing. He leaned his forehead on Hans' shoulder and tried to keep up his pace with the Danes.

Hans was in heaven! Getting Skipper to jerk him off and now having that neck offered to him like that (which begged to be molested), he just simply had to give it a good lick and bite. He heard the commander squeak out of surprise at this. The Dane chuckled a bit at how cute this penguin could be.

Who would have thought?

They kept up their sensual rhythm, both moaning and their breathing getting shallower. The puffin still nibbling and licking the leaders neck.

"Mmmh! Hans! I-" the penguin started, looking the puffin in the eyes blushing but then pressed himself more into the Dane, burying his face in Hans chest now.

'_Oh God, he's just too adorable! I can't resist no longer!' _Hans thought, pushing the penguin down onto the ground. Skipper looked up at him shocked at the sudden movement and soon felt his beak on his again, kissing him passionately. The leader broke the kiss soon as he felt the other rub up against him, finally catching on what the other indicated.

"Sorry Skipper. I wanted to start this slow but I can't hold back anymore!" Hans said and already positioned himself.

"You okay with that?" he asked before going on.

Skipper just stared at a loss of words, he couldn't really think clearly with all that alcohol in his system and all those kisses and touches didn't help.

He didn't want this to end _yet_…

So the penguin turned his head away and then merely nodded.

That was enough for the Dane to start pushing past the commanders' entrance. Skipper winced in pain at the intrusion and put his flippers against the puffins' chest, trying to stop him a bit. Hans saw that Skipper was crying a little from the pain, so he pushed the penguins fins aside, took his face in his wings and kissed him once more. The leader also cupped the puffins' face with his flippers and deepened the kiss. The Dane saw this as sign to continue and so he started to thrust into the penguin again. Skipper broke their kiss again and whimpered in pain once more.

"It… hurts…" Skipper hiccupped out, some new tears streaming down his face now. Hans felt bad for giving the penguin such a hard time and thought about giving the bird the choice to choose.

"I know… you want me to stop?" he asked even though he really didn't want to stop, it felt so good and warm inside the leader.

"N-no!... Haah… I'm not gonna chicken out!... mmh… I can bear this!" the penguin shrieked and pulled the Dane closer to him. Hans laughed at this.

"Haha! Chicken out? Skipper, you're not a coward for telling me to stop. I kinda forced you into this after all." He told that stubborn penguin, putting his wings behind Skippers head and draws his face up to him to nuzzle him lovingly.

"B-but I want this! I want to do this with you! Now keep moving!" the commander yelled angered and offended. Hans gladly surrendered and started to move in and out of the penguin. Skippers grip on the puffins back-feathers tightened with every thrust the Dane delivered. It hurt a lot, like one of those terrible stinging needles but Skipper still wanted to have Hans stay inside of him.

Why? He didn't know… something in him just told him to do this and suddenly there happened it.

"AHHH! Mmmmh!" the penguin moaned out loud but this time in pleasure. The Dane stopped at that loud exclamation, hearing the change in its tone from pain to delight and curiously asked.

"Did that feel good?"

"YES! Do that again!" Skipper screamed, slinging his fins around Hans' neck and pulling him closer again. The puffin did as told and pushed into the same spot again, hearing the penguins' delicious moans and cries with every thrust he gave now.

"Oh! _Hans…"_ the commander mewled, starting to chant the Danes name like a mantra, which pleasured the puffin more than he thought. It was just a name after all but hearing it like this from his crushes mouth made it much more special. So he went faster and faster whenever the penguin moaned out his name, driving them both closer to their release.

"Skipper, I'm close!" Hans warned.

"Me too!" Skipper answered, burying his face in the crook of Hans' neck.

They were tight entangled in their embrace as they got closer and closer to their orgasm. Skippers' muscles tightened around the puffins' length as Hans gave one long last hard thrust before he drove them both over the edge.

"HANS!"

"SKIPPER!"

Both of them screamed as they finally came, releasing years of up build pressure. Hans slumped down onto the other arctic bird, both trying to catch their breath.

"Gud… Jeg elsker dig… Skipper." The Dane breathed out in his mother tongue. Skipper then just stared at him; he hadn't spoken nor heard Danish for a while but he knew exactly what the Dane above him just said.

"…Mig også…" Skipper then whispered unconsciously before he could stop himself. Hans quickly propped himself up and looked the penguin over, looking for any doubt. As he saw the commander turn his head away from him with a bright blush on it he knew… He knew that Skipper meant what he said.

A happy grin overtook the puffins' features as he threw himself onto the penguin again and hugged him. He rubbed his face against Skippers chest, smelling his sweet scent and hearing his calming heartbeat. After some time he felt how the leader started to caress his head with his fins in a soft motion and he let out a content sigh, closing his eyes.

'_This feels nice… I'm probably going to regret what I'm about to ask.' _Hans thought as he lifted himself up again.

"Sooo Skipper… Wanna go another round?~" he asked hesitantly and immediately got slapped by the penguin.

"Y-YOU!" Skipper snapped at the Dane angrily for him ruining the moment with that statement. He crossed his flipper over his chest and turned around onto his stomach to show how offended he felt. But all he did was showing off his backside suggestively to the puffin. Hans chuckled at that view and leaned onto to commander again, bringing his head to Skippers left ear hole.

"Skippsy~ do you even know how lewdly you look? You're kinda begging to be screwed again~" the Dane purred into the penguins' ear, feeling Skipper shiver beneath him and then started to fondle him once again…

* * *

The next morning Skipper woke up with a terrible headache and a terrible pain in his backside. His eyes shot open quickly as he felt someone caress his side, going softly up and down. He looked at its source and froze.

"H-Hans?" he asked alarmed.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty! Had a good nights rest?" the puffin said with a smug smile, his wing now playing with Skippers chest feathers. The leader tried to get up and away from his enemy but winced from the pain in his backside and slumped back down again. Hans just snorted in laughter from the penguins actions.

"W-what happened?" Skipper asked, unsure if he even wanted to know.

"Well, we were both stressed and started drinking together and by the looks of it, it seems like we had sex." Hans answered casually, staring at their abdomens that were all sticky from their adventures this night.

"WHAT!?" the penguin yelled jerking up again which only ended with him dropping back down in agony once more.

"Seems like you were bottom... But you know what? I really feel _**so**_ relieved! Thanks for that Skippsy! And you know what I also still remember from last night?" the Dane asked amused, Skipper shooting him a very hateful and flushed glare.

"And what would that be?" the commander questioned.

"I remember that you told me that you love me~" Hans answered with a big grin on his face. Skipper on the other hand didn't look so happy with being told this.

"T-That's not true!" he stammered out embarrassed. Hans just snickered and put his wings behind the penguins head to draw him to his face and kissed him. The leader froze again at Hans' boldness but in the end he kissed back. The Dane broke the kiss and smiled down at the other bird satisfied.

"Soo… shall I get us breakfast? And maybe something to clean you up? You don't seem to be ready to get up yet… who knows how often we did it last night after all~" Hans said getting up. Skipper just laid there on the ground, blushing hard and watching the other start walking away.

But before the puffin was gone he stopped and asked once more.

"Hey, you want to know something else?"

"What?" the leader snapped at him.

Hans walked back to him, kneeled down beside him and pulled Skipper in a sitting position.

"I told you first that I love you, Skippsy~" He answered and pressed a kiss on the others cheek, before he got up and went to get them breakfast.

Skipper just leaned back against the tree and watched the sea, trying to comprehend what just happened. But that peaceful moment got destroyed as he suddenly heard an overly happy exclamation from afar.

"WOHOO! SKIPPER AND I FINALLY HAD SEX!"

A bright blush crept onto the penguins face again and he just thought one thing.

'_Oh God! What did I get myself into?'_

The End~


End file.
